Preseason Game 1: Minnesota Timberwolves versus Chicago Bulls

Preseason Game 1: Minnesota Timberwolves versus Chicago Bulls

All that needs to be said for this game is this: The Wolves scored nine points in the first quarter. And in the fourth quarter. That’s 18 points in two full quarters. Also, there couldn’t have been more than 3,000 people there. The lower half was almost full, and the upper level had fewer than 100 people. Most were napping. It looked like an Expos game.

Random thoughts on the game:

1)    Drew Gooden is massive. I don’t know if it’s the weirdly thin, long beard he sports, or if it’s his hugely rectangular noggin’, but Gooden was the biggest guy on the floor at any point. He didn’t play much, but he looks like a monster.
2)    Derrick Rose is already an unbelievable basketball player. His play is so fluid, seemingly so easy, that it’s almost like he plays like he doesn’t care. He’s already got tremendous vision and a solid – if not great – mid-range jump shot. He’s also bigger than I expected. Like two or three Corey Brewers. Outstanding penetrator, great passer, already a good defender. He’s a dynamic playmaker with an explosive first step that is rivaled by few, if any, in the league. He’ll average 16 and 6 this season, if not more. Talk about an embarrassment of riches: Hinrich, Gordon, Hughes and Rose. If the Bulls had any frontcourt, they’d be a top three Eastern Conference team.
3)    Joakim Noah is the absolute goofiest looking player since Cherokee Parks, but he is a damn good rebounder and energy player. He’s physical, and can and will defend the 5.
4)    If the Wolves don’t hit 40% of the their three point attempts, 15 wins will be a challenge. It’s extremely obvious how the offense will work. As expected, it will run through Al Jefferson, who will kick it out to whichever mediocre shooter is standing around the perimeter when he gets double- or triple-teamed. The problem with this strategy is that Jefferson is an absolutely awful passer. Just terrible. It’s a black hole when the ball goes inside. He’s got to learn the drop step and dish. Watching Kevin Garnett for 12 seasons made us almost expect extraordinary interior passing. Not the case with big Al.
5)    Corey Brewer is still a good defender, but can’t shoot to save his life. His shooting is so bad that his great defense can’t make up for his offensive ineptitude. Honest to God, I’ve never seen anything like it. Also, he’s bound to get injured with how scarily thin he is. He’s 6-9, and can’t weight more than 180lbs. His legs are skinnier than mine. And if you’ve seen my legs lately…well…they aren’t exactly tree trunks.
6)    Sebastian Telfair is the purest point guard on this team. He’s a pass first guard, and is finally looking like the player the Blazers drafted 13th overall in 2004.
7)    Mike Miller needs a haircut. Badly. The whole Jesus look only works if you a) have a beard and b) don’t wear a headband. Unforgivable.
8)    This was one of the ugliest athletic events I’ve ever had the displeasure of witnessing. That said, the ugliest performance of them all belonged to Kevin McHale’s Tarvaris Jackson, Kevin Love. Love’s performance transcends any negative superlative. He played like the unimaginably unathletic, slow, boring, undersized doofus we all hoped he wouldn’t be. 24 minutes: 1/10 shooting, five boards and two turnovers. But it wasn’t the stats that raised eyebrows. It was the fact that he showed literally no ability to a) make a layup b) jump in any capacity whatsoever and c) keep up with anyone on defense. He was the absolute slowest player on the floor at all times. And that includes Aaron Gray. Love was atrocious. We’ve already tried the “big man with soft touch” with Rasho and Paul Grant. I want Kevin Love to be Tom Gugliotta. Simple as that. If this is what the team got for O.J. Mayo, who is currently averaging 17 a game in Memphis, chalk another one up for the GM.

Next: Preseason Game 2