After a 3-3 start that has been about as angering as any .500 start in Minnesota sports history, let’s do some player analysis for this utterly shameful offense – the supposed “kick-ass offense” Brad Childress has been preaching for and praising ever since his coaching reign began three years ago.
I will rank each starter relative to other starters at the same position throughout the league.
1) Poor
2) Below average
3) Average
4) Above average
5) Great
QB: Gus Frerotte: Below average – With all due respect to the career journeyman, Frerotte is one of the worst starting quarterbacks in the National Football League. (And he’s still better – at this point – than Brad Childress’s love child/desired leader of the kick-ass offense Tarvaris Jackson.) Only worsted by whomever the Chiefs, Lions, Bears, Raiders, or 49ers decide to start on any given week. Frerotte does have a strong arm and decent accuracy, but he’s nowhere near good enough to lead this team deep into the playoffs, or even into the playoffs. He’s a backup, in every sense of the word. Simple as that. It doesn’t help that the right side of his offensive line is decidedly mediocre, but Gus leaves much to be desired as the so-called leader of the offense.
HB: Adrian Peterson/Chester Taylor: Great – If you don’t think this tandem – and especially Peterson – isn’t the best in football, you haven’t been watching television for the last 50 or so Sundays.
FB: Naufahu Tahi: Below average --Who the hell is this guy? It seems like Tahi is more often that not just getting in someone’s way. He’s a decent blocker, has little to no catching ability, and leaves fans wondering, “Why did we spend $7 million on Thomas Tapeh?” Where is Tapeh? Something about a “secret surgery?” Why is he not playing? Don’t say “special teams.” Not like one player can fix our abysmal special teams play over the past month.
WR: Bernard Berrian: Above average – If Bevell or Childress would allow him to run something other than a fly pattern, he could be a legitimate No. 1 receiver. But for now, he’s a solid No. 2 wideout. Great speed, good hands, decent route runner. Sidney Rice/Bobby Wade: Average – Wade is a poor man’s Wes Welker, a good slot receiver who runs good routes and catches the ball. And Rice has the talent to be a good player in this league, but we’ve heard next to nothing regarding the seriousness of his injury. What is it with this coaching staff and secrecy? Tell the fans what’s going on with their talented receiver.
TE: Visanthe Shiancoe: Average: If he can hold on to the damn ball, Shiancoe can be a real weapon in this God-awful West Coast scheme. He’s faster than most linebackers, and creates good separation. If Childress takes his Ritalin to curb his TE ADHD, Shiancoe should be a good target for Frerotte for the rest of the season. For the first two games, we were told Mills was the guy. Then, he disappeared. Then, Shiancoe reeled in a couple passes for scores, and now he doesn’t play. Last week, Kleinsasser caught his first pass in what seems like a decade, and showed he can be a weapon down field. Knowing Childress, he’ll be benched now, and we won’t see the North Dakota product catch a pass until 2012.
LT: Bryant McKinnie: Above average – But vastly overrated as a Pro Bowl-type player. He’s worth about half of what the team is paying him, and he’s one Miami club appearance away from being suspended for the year. When asked if he’ll change his ways, McKinnie promptly declined. What a jackass. Where’s the culture of accountability, coach Childress? Can the team hire one of Adam Jones’ babysitters? Lord knows if there’s one player on this team who needs one (now that Dwight Smith is gone), it’s Bryant McKinnie.
LG: Steve Hutchinson: Great – A true competitor. As fierce as he is smart on the line.
C: Matt Birk: Great – Not nearly the player he once was, Birk is still a great blocker and leader of the line. Tremendously smart and a good downfield blocker, as well.
RG: Artis Hicks/Anthony Herrera: Average – Both are very, very average. Hicks performed admirably while McKinnie sat on his ass at home, but neither player warrants a starting job on any team.
RT: Ryan Cook: Poor – What the exact opposite of “mauler?” Most of the time it’s tough to judge offensive lineman, but on Sunday, Ryan Cook was noticeably awful. Poor footwork, slow, unathletic, and completely soft.
Poor: 1
Below average: 2
Average: 3
Above average: 2
Great: 3
Based on this clearly scientific evidence, the Vikings should have an above average offense. But as we’ve all seen, this offense is simply the most uncreative, conservative, dismally predictable scheme I’ve ever seen. It’s not even worth getting angry anymore. Most of the time, it’s just a bunch of slow shakes of the head and headache-inducing squints. Long bomb into double coverage (which falls incomplete 95% of the time) on 2nd and 2. Short pass to Tahi (which he usually drops) on 3rd and 9. It’s baffling.
The Childressian scheme: Run right, run left, short pass which gives the receiver no shot in hell to get the 1st down, punt. And the coach has the audacity to “audition” new punters after one poor game by Chris Kluwe, unquestionably one of the best in the league at his position. Coach Childress was brought in to saturate the locker room with a culture of accountability. How about some self-accountability? How about, instead of pretentiously assuming the media doesn’t know the statistics for 2-point conversions, you explain your reasoning for not going for it last week. How about you explain why you idiotically keep the rope wound so tightly on this offense that it’s incapable of making a play. How about you adjust your kick-ass offensive scheme to fit the personnel you’ve personally brought in here? Adrian Peterson is not Brian Westbrook. Gus Frerotte is not Donovan McNabb. Different players have different skills, Coach. Adjust what is currently an abysmally underperforming offense into what could be a good, if not great, offense.
It’s not rocket science, Brad. It’s adjustments. It’s a willingness to deviate from previous plans. It’s a willingness to take risks. It’s a willingness to admit – God forbid – mistakes that have been made. It’s a willingness to make changes, when necessary.
Coach Childress, the time is now. Changes are necessary. Recognize it. Do something about it. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are the leader of this team – the leader of a team which once had realistic playoff expectations.
Start acting and coaching like it.
Keywords: Minnesota Vikings
